Here are the following options that I can see for myself;
1. Get better
2. Get put in a medically induced coma just to pause things
3. Get rapid terminal cancer and die
4. Get struck by a meteorite in a remote field and die
Sure, obviously you'd tell a suicidal person not do it. But repeated times? No, you can't just pause your suicide thoughts. It's actually so frustrating and annoying. If it was that easy; you'd have cured "suicides". It's actually so irritating that I think about doing it just to spite them, for telling me that I'm not allowed do it.
Also, people who think suicides are selfish can go to hell. It obviously depends on the circumstances. Of course it's different when a single-person that has nothing, compared to a parent who has a family where they rely on that person's income to live. This is also a thing that has bothered me regarding the "drug junkie debate". People look down on addicted drug abusers, but they never ask why it came to that. What lead them to it? Maybe it's the only thing keeping them alive, or they intentionally ruined a perfectly good life by being idiots. It's a big difference.
Oh my god... It's definitely going in the right direction now. A massive leap forward. Finally getting help/medications that actually work for my various problems (biggest one right now is an acute thing which would probably eventually make me kill myself). But now I at least know that there is medications that seem to potentially fix it. An extreme relief. Let's go. Let's fucking go. And thank you to all the amazing healthcare personnel who helped me. You know who you are. Appreciate all of you.
A fresh start, with competent and understandable people. Well, almost a fresh start; I still have an additional revolting (and obviously false) medical note from the same person who ruined my life for 13+ years that needs to be removed. It will be removed in due time, just like the other false diagnoses that he made up about me, which have been officially removed (by other people, since the coward, Stefan, tried to cover it up and run away from the situation. Absolute loser behavior. You're projecting your own awful worldviews onto other people, like me. And I'm sure there are other victims, and some who are no longer with us, because of your sinister perniciousness. Hopeful of what's next, but still afraid of what can potentially happen in a worst case scenario. My life is in other peoples' hands. Always has been, and will always be.
The only thing I have control over, is when, where, and how, I decide to self-destruct. Fuck you. LD50 is 1mg/kg? If you want a live-experiment of what 5 grams does, hit me up. Why go for LD50 when you can go for LD100 lmao.
When the last of my false diagnoses have officially been removed; I will formally let the world know what you have done to me, STEFAN. I have 1000 USD in my hosting provider's account; and I will add all of my life savings when it's time. It will be hosted indefinitely. Also good luck breaking into my house and stealing my hardware securit keys. You'd have to collect all of them, and they are spread out over two continents. It's time to report to IVO, file a police report, file a civil lawsuit. You had 13 years to apologize and retract your insane medical notes and false diagnoses. Now it's too late. I have formally given you multiple opportunities to admit what you have done to me. Enough is enough. But rest fucking assured the world will know what kind of person you are. Even if you decide to kill me to cover it up, it will change nothing. But keep digging bro.
Where do I go from here? Everyone wants to ultimately, in the near future, remove the only medication that literally keeps me alive. Without it, I will die. It has been removed several times before, without any plan to step down/tritrate it.
When it happened the first time, I literally went into a nearby forest and was ready to blow my head off. So I'm actually taken aback when healthcare professionals imply that I'm worrying about the removal of the medication without any basis. (Also no one can guarantee that I will get the medication for the rest of my life, so I mean, come on).
"But it's addictive, there are physical whitdrawal symptoms if you quit it abruptly! We need to find something else that works just like your current medication but without any withdrawal symtoms!"
Here's a thought; I will still die if I stop taking it, because it keeps me alive. So it literally doesn't matter if it has no physical withdrawal symptoms if you stop taking it after years. Because I NEED IT TO SURVIVE.
Also, by this fundamentally flawed guideline, then antidepressants should also be banned/blacklisted, because they also have withdrawal symptoms if you stop taking them abruptly, so I mean... What are we doing here? (And of course I'm not on any antidepressants, they are one of the biggest scams in pharmaceutial history in my opinion. But of course I have tried them, because I always try the help offered, with the understanding that if it doesn't work, I will not continue with it).
But I'm confident. There's no way the healthcare system would actually remove it again right? Especially when I have told everyone that without it, I will die (by self-immolation... hell yeah.)
Oh, and if you're a random healthcare professional reading this while you're treating me, or about to treat me; please note that I appreciate many doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists who have helped me a lot. You're just doing your job, but the situation I'm describing here is the result of a "chief physician" (a step above a regular doctor); completely doing everything wrong. And as I mentioned down below, a person way above this "senior doctor" said (unpromted by the way) that it was a bad investigation after skimming through it. What I'm meaning here, is that there's hard evidence that shows malpractice. Misdiagnosis is malpractice, and the diagnosis this person put on me can't be cured, but now I don't have it anymore after a THIRD opinion. I did a second opinion very close to the original one, that said that the diagnosis should not be put on me. But that investigation was completely ignored for some reason. Now after the third opinion, the conclusion is that I definitely don't have it (like, not even close the threshold of having it). So, if you're worried about me making a similar thing against you, you have nothing to worry about, even if the result of your care doesn't work. Of course there's a big chance that the help offered doesn't work, but if you're just a normal person, and if your journal entries are somewhat accurate, I won't even raise an eye brow, if you know what I mean. I've probably met 40+ doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists, and only two of them have behaved in a shockingly negative way, and all of their journal entries have been disproven. But in this country, only the person who wrote the journal entry can remove it. The problem with this though, is that if they have written something completely false or inaccurate, they can just decline to change it, because if they change it, they admit that they have done something wrong, which likely gets them a written warning. So, just ignore it and you're not going to get caught I guess :}
Every official and internal channels were used, but you actively evaded everything. I hope that you suffer, just like you made me suffer for 10+ years. Completely ruined my life. Everyone dies some way or another. I will outlive you, and when you die of natural causes, your grave will have an addendum that notifies people how many lives you have ruined. I'm surely not the only victim, Stefan. Hiding behind other people like a little coward, but in private meetings, you behave like a beast, yelling and shouting, making patients cry, and then fabricating things so you can make a fake diagnosis so the patient doesn't get treated for their symptoms. Instead they get treated for their false diagnosis, getting dangerous medications that makes the patients want to die. You literally fabricated stuff about me to support your false diagnosis. There's literally a completely made up thing on the first page of the investigation document. I bet you even changed my IQ score to fit your viewpoint. I'm seriously doubting that I have above average IQ; I bet you just upped the score to reach the criteria for your made-up FALSE DIAGNOSIS. I think you're a sociopathic piece of shit; and you belong in prison.
According to the new investigation, I no longer have the diagnosis that the person put on me, you know, the person I have been referring to down below. I have been vindicated. 10+ years down the drain. But now there's hope. Still not done, but I no longer have the fake diagnosis that ruined my life. I won. You lost. Try to ruin my life again and see what happens. You're a horrible piece of shit coward, STEFAN. Everyone has to go their own way. You did this to yourself...
The person who tried to ruin my life seems to have ultimately failed. Their false accusations have been called out by people above this person's paygrade, and it will no longer be "active" in my medical record. I was really close to killing myself because of this person.
I will publish their name when everything is done, so that other people can ask for someone else if they are unlucky enough to be assigned to him. I gave this person multiple chances to retract or modify their demonstratably false journal entries, but he hid behind another person who was basically forced to become an improptu mediator, and the response to me was the following; that he will not change anything and he stands by his factually wrong and insane entries. Not looking good for you now, is it? ;)
I bet you hoped that I would kill myself instead of pushing through huh, but your entries were so bad that they will redo the whole thing. (You know, the things you wrote about me 10+ years ago...). They NEVER redo things that are this old, but that's how disgraceful your work is.
Which also means that I don't have a can of gasoline in my room at the moment, because I actually have hope about my future now. I'm going to make sure that you lose your practicioner's license, because I'm never going to let this go. What goes around comes around...
Self-Immolation. I am not suicidal, I have no plans to hurt myself or others. I don't meet the criteria of LPT (Compulsory Psychiatric Care Act) according to several licensed healthcare professionals.
The person who ruined my life works in the healthcare system. So if you have jokingly said some things about me on the internet, relax. That's nothing ;)
When you have been accused of things you haven't done, without any evidence or proof, and you get treated differently because of it, then it's only fair to ruin their career and reputation.
Names of the people who made me kill myself will be revealed when it's time; unless it gets resolved. And thusly, this website will show up whenever someone searches their name via a seach engine. And everyone will know what they really are. And of course the website has been prepaid, so it will be hosted indefinitely.
Due to legal reasons I have to write that I'm not suicidal and I have no plans to end my life ;)
I don't have any social media accounts. Beware of any impersonators.
Contact:
Software that I use: Capture One Pro, Affinity Photo V2
2020-06-11: If someone claims to be me, ask them to provide the unedited version of the picture below. SHA256 checksum of the original unedited picture straight from the camera is:
DA1B80AFC0B171D8BAE28CE65137261A00C67FAEB62A83F57C07019011EEFCDC
2018-05-18: Beware of any unsolicited contact from people claiming to be me. Report them to the police, because it should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.